Autism, ADHD, and Just Be Yourself Syndrome

Hi

Last month I spoke to a doctor for the first time in this state of Kansas. We did the usual first time patient discussions such as my smoking habits, drinking averages, and general bodily conditions. When talking about ADHD, without any build up, I brought up the question with her, "why at my age [of 33] should I worry about having Autism?" 

Why would I care so much about having Autism? I am already on the ADHD plane, and while it seems some folks with Autism may share some qualities of those who have ADHD, I do have other qualities that may blend further with the social-behavior disorder. 

IN past doctors visits I have been pre-diagnosed or diagnosed with other disorders such as Audio Processing Disorder, aka Sensory Processing Disorder, Hyper-Sensitivity (Awareness,) Hyper-Mobility, Pre-Hypertension,Vision with Astigmatism, Introversion, Depression, Anxiety.

If you were to wrap all those disorders under one umbrella, you could say that I have Autism. However, I see this a different way. Perhaps it all started with being Hyper-Sensitive. Maybe I focused on myself so much due to isolation as a young child. It's more likely that one disorder is just a learned behavior to compensate for another.

A blind person, for example, develops a "sixth sense." That's usually hyper-sensitivity, the individual will become more physically aware of their surroundings that cannot be seen. Or, in addition, a deaf/mute person will learn to read lips and use sign language.

So what does this have to do with Autism then?

One of the key behaviors of someone with Autism is the incapacity to hold basic social conversations or understand social queues. They are less likely to keep hold of eye-contact with another person. Large group settings are an absolute no-no. Well, for a long time, I dealt with all of these behaviors. But again, I tell you, I experienced a lot of isolation when I wasn't in school or out with my family.

At home, I would typically get up with my brother and sister, but they were older than me and had a particular brother/sister relationship that I had little part of. It wasn't unusual during my development to be "ditched," left behind, or outright unincluded. Being a father myself, I am seeing how important it is for social behavior in little children that they are able to learn first how to interact with each other as siblings. Therefore, I also believe it's important to have multiple children that are rather close in age.

With this in mind, in reflection of my former self, I do see that I was likely less socially inclined due to a lack of experience with social behaviors. Today even I still deal with a lacking in knowledge for jargon, quips, jokes, sarcasm, and above all, dry humor. On the contrary, I get Monty Python jokes. My best "friends" were encyclopedias, video games, legos, mostly my imagination.

Folks will often see me having in-depth conversations with myself. Well, of course I would! During isolation, and later voluntary-isolation, the need to develop a conscious-forward pseudo personality that countered my core beliefs was necessary as a survival technique.

Audio-Processing Disorder had a major impact on my early life as well. At night, for a long period of time I was kept awake by sounds that didn't exist. In absolute silence I would hear a vacuum cleaning out my brain. Today I don't have that vacuum, but I do have the incessant high-pitched frequency buzz at all times. At. All. Times. It's absolutely frustrating, yet, I can't be without it. It's just a part of me.

An audiologist said that this disorder is tied to my brain, I will get into more detail later but essentially I am incapable of "audio discrimination." In other words, a typical hearing person will be able to "tune" to certain noises or "tune out" annoying sounds. For me, that's just not possible. So I'll give you this analogy: I hear everything, at all times, I might as well be deaf.

Thus I have also developed a sixth sense... hyper-sensitivity. I hear everything. I hear my own heartbeat. Each gurgle of my stomach, a child two-miles away, and worse - that sound you can only hear as a youth? I hear its absence. It's a chilling feeling to know there should be sound, but then there isn't, but it is.

I don't like the sound of chewing food. I can't stand, therefore, to be in the presence of people eating food. I live in a home with 6 people, myself included. Dinner conversation usually is composed of "hey, kiddo, close your mouth while you eat." "Don't talk with your mouth full."

However, there is a potential super power. It's very difficult for someone to sneak up on me. While I will hear them, but only in a mix of other noises, I will feel the air shift when the person moves the air in front of them against me. Personally I love this part of the disorder. I bet you've always wanted to be a ninja with cat-like senses. Knowing what is coming before it hits you? I'll tell you, knowing doesn't always mean there's time to stop the impact. You'll always know when someone is coming or going because the air pressure changes when a door opens. I seek cover for rain when it hasn't even come. Moments later, it's a down-pour.

Interestingly, I am not alone. There are lots of people with APD, Hyper-Sensitivity, and unfortunately they've taken a bite out of the Autism Pie.

Why is wrapping so many disorders into one "elimination of symptoms" such as Autism so important?

Personally, I believe it's just another coping mechanism for how annoying it is to have behavior disorders in a world that is still very unaccepting of them. Say what you want about Autism Awareness, it's not at all about helping you, but the people around you. Perhaps there is the ability to empower yourself to simply blame all your inexperience with people on Autism. However, there are people with real social disorders that make it impossible to interact with other people. They're in their own world, so to speak, and it's likely you aren't in their club.

Here's my challenge. If you yourself suspected you have autism, for one day you should go out into public and be yourself, that is if you aren't terribly concerned about "finding yourself." Even then, do it. Your sensitivities will become clear. Look people in the eye when you talk to them, use their name in conversation when you have learned it, and please, for your own sake, don't try to understand what people think about you.

Generally, if you had Autism, you would have been diagnosed with it by age 10 or 13. If you're an adult today, over 18, it probably doesn't matter if you have Autism. You're more likely been held back by depression and anxiety - these are serious things, and should be taken care of appropriately. Questions like "maybe I'm depressed because," aren't healthy questions. A healthy question, in my experience, is "what if this behavior is me just being me?" Your response should then be, "It's who I am." You like books because they're your jam. Maybe you like pickles and mayonnaise with your peanut butter. You're weird because society said you are weird.

Frankly, nothing since 2020 has been normal. If you're a weirdo, you're pretty normal.

Isn't it pretty interesting that I haven't mentioned smart phones, screen time, or other devices that warp our mind?